The other side of this life

I have a deep, dark secret: I viscerally hate being a work-at-home-mom.   I don't know if it's the acronym #WAHM or if it's that I now need a modifier to explain what I do every day.

True, when I worked out of the house -- I still explained what I did, sort-of.  First, I was a soldier -- but that was a given, I had to wear a uniform so there was an obvious acknowledgement there.

Sort-of.

Then, I was a college student -- working work-study positions to get a little extra money while hubby wore the uniform.  Not as obvious -- but still easily explained when dropping the kids off at day-care.

Then I worked for the government -- and while you couldn't tell "where" I worked by looking at me as a GS civilian-- but, I obviously worked outside the home.

During those times there was the issue with the day care on post needing proof that I and my husband had to work on certain training holidays -- certain holidays or what-not.  We had to provide proof to get them into care those days, and it was tedious.  We couldn't just use the day care for a 'training holiday' (which we paid for anyhow) to get a breather.  We couldn't go grocery shopping without them, we couldn't clean house while they were at school: there were rules.

When the hubby was deployed, less questions were asked.  Less questions came up when the kids were in school too.

Now, the kids are older and I work-at-home but I just feel like there is no time for me.  And, sometimes I feel very selfish when I need that time.  Because, put quite simply: there is this notion that since I work-from-home and my kids are in school for 6.5-7 hours a day that that time is mine.

It's just not.

I have a load of laundry in the washer and dryer (it's about 8:45 am) -- I've washed a load of dishes my daughter promised to wash last night.  I've prepared the package that was purchased sometime in the middle of the night.  I've sent all three kids off to school and put gas in my husbands car. I've talked to my mom for our morning b*tch session.  I have removed kittens endlessly from my dining table.  I've made mental lists of what I have to get accomplished and when today (must prepare my topaz for November birthstones). 

The list goes on and on -- and were I working outside the home, I would have turned on my computer, read a few emails and gotten some coffee.  I would be preparing for the day -- and only a few moments into it.  The laundry would have been there when I got home tonight, or maybe I would have washed a load to move-along tonight.

I would have asked co-workers how they are doing -- what is going on with them.  I would have had outside conversations with actual adults.  I would probably be stressing about the portion of my thesis due last week -- but would mentally note to myself to work at my desk for lunch.

I would already be dreaming of the fabulous lunch I made for myself, instead of thinking openly: "well, at least I already put on pants."

And, I would dream of having that 6.5-7 hours to myself.  In a cabin.  In the woods somewhere.  With a coffee pot and a warm, comfy blanket until the kids got home.

A shed conversion I am drooling over for my hideaway.

Working from Home and what can I make for dinner?

It's tough stuff -- the working from home thing.  I've been at it full time for a few years now (OMG seriously did I just type years?) and it just doesn't seem to get any easier as the kids get older.

Sure, I don't have to stop everything when they get home from school -- they can get their own snacks now.  But still, it's like that 7 hours they are away at school feels shorter and shorter all the time.  It's like it *could* be a reprieve, but it's really not.

Yesterday, two were off from school while the third took the PSAT's.  Not a biggy --until you add the friends who come over all the time since we live so close to the high school.  It's not that I mind the friends coming over -- it's just that I have not remodeled the shed out back to make and office / hide-out.  So, my office is right next to the kitchen -- more to the point, next to the fridge.

And -- it doesn't have a door, because it was designed to be a dining room when the house was built in 1950. It would never, ever, work as a dining room now -- so I stole the "bonus room" for the dining room instead.  It's fine -- but it's not conducive to "alone time" -- or "conference calls".  Really -- it's just a sunshiny place I can stare out the window at the birdies and dewdrops as the weather changes.  Also I can tell when anyone is near my driveway easily.

But -- the whole working from home thing can really wreck havoc on the whole work-life balance thing.  It's so much easier to respond to on off-hour message when you have everything you need to do your job right there.  It's hard to pull away sometimes when it really, truly is family time.  And -- it's really difficult to feel like there is room to breathe, even when no one is around, because there is always that laundry staring you in the face -- the kids often forget to make their beds and there is the never-ending slew of pinterest things you should make for dinner -- you know, since you've got the time.

But the biggest things I have found lately -- is that the family sort of gets to a point, when one works from home like I do -- that shows they don't really think you "do" much.  Sure, there is money hitting the bank account -- sure, you are contributing. But after a few years, your time doesn't seem to matter in actions rather than words.

I was frustrated and angry about that this morning -- like pretty over the top grumpy (don't worry, my mother yelled at me to snap me out of it).  And it was all over really stupid things -- "Mom, can you go to the store today and do x, y, and z?"  No, I can not -- I have things I have to do during the time you are at school besides buying you more XBox games. 

For example, I have to read these articles on how to better do this or that in my shop, son, so that we still see things happening.  I have to write this paper -- and read that one -- and I have to find where you hid my kindle so I can do those things in multiple locations.  Because, my work day does not simply "end" when you get off the bus in the early afternoon.

And -- I have to weed through all the apps, so that I can ostensibly figure out how to work better, faster and by myself, so that we can have that pintrocity for dinner -- or that escape dinner and a movie.

The point is -- my time is valuable, even working from home.  As is their's.  I wish they knew how valuable this time they have -- before they have to start working and going to college and doing all the things we do -- is.

The youngest asked me yesterday what my favorite thing about being a mother is.  I didn't know -- I told him such. 

But what I do know is this -- trying to teach them about this time thing: it is not even on the list.

Italian Drunken Noodles from: http://thecozyapron.com/a-cozy-pasta-italian-drunken-noodles-and-shaking-things-up-a-bit/

Playing for Keeps...

Little known fact -- my shop was actually non-productive yesterday.  Not because customers didn't come browse, and not because I "couldn't" make anything new for the shop.  Not because of anything "normal" that would cause a shop to be actually offline -- in fact the shop itself was online, I was just flapping in the wind struggling.

So, here's the thing -- my kids are tech-savvy little ones, often addicted to the plethora of electronics available today.   On weekends, I often scramble around the house and the shop, cleaning, organizing, cooking, and this last weekend was no different.  However, my youngest -- the super bright special needs one -- was playing with my laptop when he could, and when he couldn't he was playing with the desktop.

So, I log on on Monday and realize, quite quickly in fact, that in this adventure I call my etsy shop -- I am not only the owner, designer, marketing department, photographer, production department, etc., etc., etc.,  but now I am the IT department also, because my son has a thing for downloading things that should not be downloaded.

Nice.

So, I was lucky in that the shop was rather slow yesterday, I just had to mail a few items from the weekend and finish designing one custom order.  My day was spent cleaning up the hard drives on two machines -- which are now working fabulously -- with two different versions of windows, while planning dinner, and the season ahead.

But -- that was not without moments of  "I will never let this kid play with the computers again,"  and "where did my ruler go to measure this item," to finally "wow, I actually do have to use algebra in calculating how much wire to cut for custom sized hoops, who knew?"

By the way to figure out how much wire to cut for hoops, you either use Pi times the number of inches you want the for circumference, or ask my oldest to calculate it -- which is often what I do.  I really thought getting a degree in Communications would insulate me from Pi -- but not so much.  The oldest, or my human calculator as I call him (did I tell you he took the PSAT's WITHOUT a calculator?) is quite hysterical when I have to ask him for mathematics help in the shop.

But all in all -- with the downtime provided recently, I have been playing with dainty again -- and later today I will put up some mixed metal earrings that are just adorable, so watch out for those.   Until then -- here are a few cute things I am playing with while I get ready for the show next weekend.

I just love this little dainty style.  And in Emerald Green?  Who could hope for a better stocking stuffer?  At 28 bucks a pair for handmade sterling silver and gemstone earrings -- these are a bargain.  Oh -- and free domestic shipping to boot.

Okay, so these technically are not new -- but the photos are :)  Just look at how much fun I had playing with the depth of field on these gorgeous Pink Garnet Hoops.  Oooh, sparkly.

These are kind of a new design -- really they are a total mix.  Playing off of the dainty trio earrings, and the half moon / leaf ear wire, I wrapped a pink garnet that has a caramel undertone onto a sterling silver handmade "leaf" ear wire - then dangled and dangled some more.  These almost didn't make it to the shop thanks to my teenage daughter.

Now -- back to reality and working out a few more things in the shop, kitchen and on the laptop :)

~Maggie~

The conversations my kids have...

I am sitting in my room, writing diligently about "servant-leadership" theory, which frankly is quite an interesting topic. Although I am struggling at finding a 'leader' to interview for my first paper.  I am thinking of going the non-traditional route and interviewing someone who is a servant-leader but not in a traditional 'leadership' position.

But, that is neither here nor there.

While I am sitting here, writing about Greenleaf and Hesse and what I can see as their philosophies on servant first leaders, I hear a heated discussion going on in the living room (my office and work-space for the shop are in a tiny corner of my three bedroom apartment, hey, times are tough.) between my three kids.

It went like this:

Aidan:  I think Mommy should be black widow, because she already has red hair.

Madison :  I think if she is black widow, she will complain about the pleather outfit.

Timmy:  Do you think if she is Black Widow, that Dad will be Hawkeye?

At this moment I literally spewed coffee from my lips, thank god I was looking away from the computer at the time.

However, shortly after this argument, they all came running in asking if I was going to be Black Widow for Halloween.  They all sounded like the kid from "Home Alone" finding out he was "Home Alone".

"Well," I said, "I haven't really given it much thought...being not even September and all."

They then went into this talking over each other argument about the importance of Mommy being black widow, so they could be other "Avengers" for Halloween.

You know what?  I am thinking they are getting a little old for this holiday anyhow, although I am certain that if their Dad does happen to make it home (after four deployments, a tour in korea and two full years living down in Louisiana, where I can't breathe) for halloween, he will be certain to take them out for the candy.

Here's to hoping I can get what I want out of it though, and have him dress up as Wolverine.  Or any Hugh Jackman character for that matter--even the dude from "Kate and Leopold."

It makes me wonder though, about two things:  how early do you prepare for holidays in your shop, or even in general?

The Sun is out, and well, it's pretty hot...

OMG, what a summer it has been -- I mean roller-coaster hot weather,  a shocking minor surgery, job search, job search, job search.  I have barely had time to look at my jewels let alone make the new ones I have had designed in my head for months now.

I have done a lot of soul searching in the midst of my insane couponing to make ends meet this year off (not by choice, mind you) and I keep seeing "if you don't love it, don't chase after it."  That really resonates with me as the summer winds down and I get ready to send the hellions (I mean my wonderful, darling children) back to school.  (Will that day ever really come?  I am one terrible stay-at-home mom.).

I keep thinking about my jobs I have done -- you know, in PR, Marketing, etc.  And while I like it enough to get out of bed with a smile on every morning  there are really two places in those job descriptions I love:

1) Research.   I am really more of a balanced individual when I research almost anything.  The last year I spent a lot of time researching theory of leadership as it relates to the military rank structure and how the federal government hires who they hire and why -- plus the impact those things have on current operations during the pending draw-down.   I know I know, from a stay at home mom/ jewelry designer who is really bad about updating her store and blog.  Makes absolutely no sense, right?  But, it makes my blood really move with passion when I look into not only what is going on, but how to make it better, ya know?

2) Relationship Building.   I love to build community and relationships online and offline.  There can be no real reason for a relationship to form -- for example, one of my neighbors who is also unemployed during the 'recession' (let's be honest, this really is a depression that has been faked to look like a lingering 'recession') is also suddenly into couponing to make ends meet.  So who was the first person I told about the insane deal on Vitamin Water I found (after my mom)...the neighbor lady in the same situation as me.

Now -- what does this have to do with jewelry making?  Absolutely nothing, I just thought maybe I would open up a bit and give a glimpse of my real personality. Which, by the way, is a bit neurotic.

But, the sun is out -- its not as warm today...so finally I got off my but, out of my room, left the fan for a few minutes and didn't break out a single coupon to take some pictures of some new and older jewels.  They are up on the site now, after I showed my kiddos how to take close ups and edit in Picasa, you know so I can pay them to take pictures later on in the year.

Yeah, it's a family thing, this Etsy thing.